A letter to my fiancee
Dear Wei ting:
Please permit me to call you my fiancee although we haven't got engaged. It's my first time to write a letter to a specified person by english. And my english may be not good enough and my thoughts may be complex, i am some kind of worried about whether i can make my mind clear. And i know that you won't understand what i'm talking about, so i have the courage to write down these words.
You may just finished your wild night life and went home several hours ago. And i got your message later. I fell asleep earlier because of bad headache. You said you ordered a designated driving. Maybe you just want to relax yourself before you get married. Maybe you feel bored with me because i am a programmer and an otaku. But what you did did hurt me in the deed.
You know that, i am a traditional and conservative man. And you said, you just like the feeling when you stay with me. You won't care about my poor salary and ordinary family background. But i think those are bullshit. You lied to me. You expect a rich life. You would like to go to the party rather than go shopping with me. You would like to brush shakes rather than talk to me. I think you chose me because you are just too lonely and tired, and you want a stable life. You never expect love from me although i give you a lot, and you haven't been devoted to our love. You broke my heart.
I haven't slept well for several nights. I'm thinking about our future. I'm worried about whether i can support our apartment and family, cause we have the schedule to buy an apartment in Suzhou and live in Suzhou. You won't know how heavy the stress is, just like you won't know how expensive to raise a baby. Yes, i am considering to have a baby. You want to have a baby before you are 30 years old. You said that is part of your life and your mission. You want to recover from pregnancy as soon as possible and stay young and energetic. You're afraid of aging. I respect your choice although i haven't prepared for it.
I am still learning to appreciate you and try to maintain the affection. I have no condition to love you. There are many tags on you, like brave, independent, selfish, low-education, bad-temper, rude.... I love all your perfections and imperfections. I know i should believe in you. But when i give all of me to you and get no response, i feel exhausted.
My parents don't like you. There's no problem, i will handle this. You don't want to live with my parents, so we can choose to live by ourselves. You want to live an apartment that belongs to us, i will buy one and write your name with mine. You want to stay young, i will buy the make-up and maintenance. You want to have a better life, i am working on it. And if you want to be free, i will set you free. Show me your heart before it's too late, please!
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